Well, it is ironic that I haven't been posting for a long while. I'm certain that the three or four of you out there who read my blog have been weeping bitter tears of anguish, waiting with bated breath for my return to the blogosphere. Now, you are doubtlessly wondering why it is ironic that I haven't been blogging for a while. Well, I have been caught up in a flurry of activity that has taken me from desiring the life of a graduate student to possibly that of a Benedictine monk. However, I have begun to doubt the choice for several reasons, most importantly because I feel that I am rushing the choice in order to avoid having to be in any kind of stasis in my life. I am wretchedly afraid of any uncertain future and the monastic life often seems like a very certain choice to me, even though I try to convince myself otherwise. Such an outlook doesn't strike me as the healthiest one for discerning one's vocational calling. Perhaps I should actually listen in silence for the Lord's call instead of automatically ascribing and acting on feelings. I feel like I didn't let myself think at all about things and “let go” entirely. Although I can over-analyze things, it's always good to leave the analytical portion of the brain on a bit so you don't only use it to justify emotions, which are important but not sole in discerning any choice.
There will not be any long-winded discussions tonight since I just wanted to explain my absence and ask for your prayers. The Christian vocation is one, namely to love and be loved, for Love is that power which is the foundation of creation, its source and its final Omega point. May we all walk together toward that same unification in Love, discerning the means by which we may love the most in the symphony of God's creation in which we are called to be Collaborators in the Truth and Apostles of Love.